The Diet Coke of Evil
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10:41, Sat 17 May 2008
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So, I went and saw Prince Caspian tonight. All in all it was okay. It was better than sitting in my hot ass house alone and sweating all night anyway. It suffered from the same things that made the first in the series mediocre, namely generic two dimensional characters with indistinct motives, and the certainty that an all powerful savior will arrive and make things all right in the end. I dunno, I suppose if you subscribe to Christianity that sort of thing probably makes perfect sense, but to me, it's just crappy storytelling.
Anyway, after the movie, I was walking home and, it being Saturday night, there was woman dressed to the nines walking in front of me, clearly on her way to or from a party. She stopped and waited for me to catch up and said "I'd rather you walk beside me than behind me," which I totally understand, but GOD do I hate it when people are just automatically afraid of me. This comes up all the time, as I have long legs and naturally walk fast, so I often pass people up from behind, and every time I do I have this anxious dialogue in my head. "Am I making this person uncomfortable? Are they afraid of me? What can I do to make them not afraid of me? Will anything I do just draw attention to myself and make them MORE afraid of me? Should I walk slower so that I don't pass them? Isn't that creepier? Should I walk faster?" and I always just sort of assumed that I was crazy and neurotic and it was all in my head, but now i've had it totally confirmed that people are intensely aware of my presence and are actively frightened of me, just because I'm a man. I don't know why that bothers me so much. I guess I just kind of wish back to a simpler time (which probably never existed) when we weren't all terrified of each other. I'm afraid of almost everybody I pass on the street, partly because of the image my family and friends have put in my head about the neighborhood I live in, though I've actually LIVED here for several months and never actually seen anything to be frightened about. I'm such a stupid fucking coward. I should just talk to people. It's not as though I have much to lose.
In other news, I've got a new job. I'm still at Michael's for another week, but then next Wednesday, I'll be starting at a new store called Photograph. They've got a location in San Francisco, and apparently it's done well enough for the owner, Fred, to open a second location in Los Gatos, which is reasonably near my neck of the woods. It's not quite the step up I was hoping for, as I initially applied for a management position, and I'm actually only going to be a sort of shift supervisor, but even though it's kind of step back position-wise, I'll actually be making a bit more money.
It's neither completely a good thing or completely a bad thing. In the positive column, I won't have to work for my current managers anymore who are respectively incompetent or apathetic, it's not a large retail outlet, it's specifically a frame shop so there's no worrying about any of that other retail crap I deal with at Michael's. It's a small business, which I like. Get to deal directly with the owner and all that... no corporate beuraucratic types, and you actually can have some input on the stores direction. It's also the kind of business that people come to because they have an interest in the business, whereas Michael's is the kind of business people come to because they need a job. Any job, and they'll do it only as well as they have to to not get fired. It is a dollar more an hour to start, and the owner has stressed to me that that's as a start, so I suppose all I have to do is be my neurotic "must do it right" self and I'll soon be making still more money and hopefully into a place with a kitchen and save even MORE money,and then in ten years maybe I can afford to start a business of my own. It's also in Los Gatos, which is a MUCH nicer area, and I think the change in scenery, even just working there, may have a positive effect on my outlook. Everything about where I live and work now is ugly. Ugly ugly. Fugly even.
On the down side... it's a frame shop, but it's a scaled back frame shop, specializing in photographs with a very limited selection. 3 colors of mats, 30 or so frame styles, and most everything pre-cut to standard photography sizes. We will do some custom work, but only within those limits, and we aren't going to do any of the cutting in store, which cuts WAY back on the creative aspects of the job, which is part of why I enjoy framing so much. but it does keep costs down, which means our prices are lower which hopefully means I won't have to brace myself before telling a customer the price for their job. It's also 20 minutes longer commute every day, at least until I can afford to move and then find a place closer that I can afford the rent on. There's no health benefits. So essentially just as I'm eligible for benefits through michael's, i'm giving them up to go make a little more money. I'll just have to not get sick.
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{ Last Page } { Page 9 of 29 } { Next Page }Ogre Jehosephatt's Comment
12:59, Sun 18 May 2008 .. Posted by OgreJehosephattIt's strange how people react to me. Though I have a funky hair cut many people I'd figure as non-understanding (like old folk) don't seem to notice.
Then the other day I was in the grocery store (with my duster on, as it was raining outside). I walked into an aisle and a woman half way down the aisle immediately turned and exited, only to go down the aisle next to me (from what I could hear of her squeaky cart). I really felt an urge to chase her down and explain that I was a nice guy, but quickly convinced myself that doing so was a terrible idea.
But then! Every begging vagrant at the convenience store in the middle of the night immediately has me pegged for a sucker, even with my "intimidating" coat on.
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05:00, Sun 18 May 2008 .. Posted by pd
You're both scary.
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05:12, Sun 18 May 2008 .. Posted by OgreJehosephattI'm a goddamn teddy bear!
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12:46, Fri 23 May 2008 .. Posted by alittleI feel the same way as you do about the Narnia movies. They're so terribly predictable and shallow that they're disappointing. My favorite part of Prince Caspian was when that creepy guy almost summoned back the White Witch. lol.
As for people being afraid of you, and you being afraid of people... I know how you feel, to an extent. I don't think people are necessarily afraid of me (I'm not a foreboding man, I'm a short, shy girl), but I do think that they are a bit put off by me. Most likely because I look "weird". :P I have noticed that I am initially afraid/cautious of most people I meet in public. I find it annoying, and I am trying to be more comfortable around other people and accept that they are probably a lot like me and most likely NOT a serial killer or something. It's weird.
As for the job, I'm glad to hear that you've moved to something a bit better. Yay! :)
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10:59, Fri 23 May 2008 .. Posted by thedietcokeofevilokay, I never know how to do this without sounding like I'm pandering, so I'm just not going to bother trying. But I'm not going to mince words either. You are not "weird looking." You are feckin sexeh. 'nuff said.
lol
09:39, Sun 25 May 2008 .. Posted by alittlethat's very kind of you <3
but i'm not your normal looking girl. :)
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10:19, Sun 25 May 2008 .. Posted by thedietcokeofevilI HAVE seen photos of you, you know. Trust me, any self image issues you may have are totally unfounded. I think if I had more readers, they would probably back me up on that.
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01:24, Mon 26 May 2008 .. Posted by alittlelol.
Well...
You're not creepy. You're hot. :P
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08:08, Mon 26 May 2008 .. Posted by thedietcokeofevilhaha, well I think that's enough for this meeting of the Mutual Admiration Society. ;)
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08:56, Sat 31 May 2008 .. Posted by bonadragcongrats on the new job. it's been a while eh? anyway I too often muse about the "simpler" way of life when we weren't so terrified of each other...I don't think it's made up, media saturation has caused our fear though. If a guy is walking behind me, I've been known to have a fast-paced dialogue in my head "where's he going? is he coming up faster behand me? where can I dart to?" hahah, but usually that's followed by me saying to myself "you're being stupid, chill out." then it's all good. haven't seen the new Narnia yet...probably will eventually. :)
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